날카로운 침묵 A Sharply Worded Silence - Louise Gluck 루이스 글릭

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/8LJdsE87t44?si=t4tyw0td8LaxLcKk

 

 

 

날카로운 침묵

 

 -루이스 글릭-
네게 뭔가 말할 게 있어... 늙은 여자는 말했다.
우린 서로 마주 보며 앉아 있었다.
나무 인형으로 유명한 도시 (  }이 있는 공원에서
그때 나는 슬픈 연애를 떨치고 나왔고.
일종의 속죄랄까  자기 처벌 같은 것으로 공장에서 일하고 있었다.
수작업으로, 작은 손들과 발들을 조각 하는 일이었다.
공원은 나의 위안 이었다. 고요한 시간에는 특히
해가 진 이후. 그 공원이 때로 버려진 듯 아무도 없을 때.
그런데 이 날 밤 내가 '콘테사의 정원' 이라고 불리는 곳에 들어갔을 때
내 앞을 걷고 있는 누군 가를 보았다.
내가 계속 갈 수 있었다는 것이 지금 생각해 보면 놀랍다.
하지만 난 갈 곳을 이미 정해 놓았었고
그날 내내 체리 나무들을 생각했었다.
그 공터에 심어진, 그리고 지금 막 꽃피는 철이 끝나기는
우리는 적막 속에 앉았다. 땅 거미가 내려앉고 있었다.
바이칼 호숫가에 열차 휴게소 같이 벽이 만들어지는 느낌이 들었다.
내가 어렸을 때.. 그녀는 말했다.
넌 노을이  내리는 정원 길을 걷는 걸 좋아했었지...  라고.
그 길은 참 길었다. 걷다 보면 달이 올라왔다.
그건. 내게 대단한 즐거움이었다
 음식이나 세상의 놀이 에선 얻을 수 없는
나는 달이 뜨는 걸 더 좋아했다
때로 나는 월출과 함께 '피가로 의 결혼'  마지막 항상 불의 절묘한 악보들을 들었을 것이다.
그 음악은 어디에서 들렸는가 나는 알 수 없었다.
자연스럽게 난 정원 길이 둥글게 되어 있었기에
밤마다 산책을 하다가 앞을 바라보면 내 집 앞에 와 있음을 알게 된다.
어둠 속에서 반짝이는 손잡이를 겨우 알아볼 수 있는
그건 참 대단한 발견이 었지... 그녀는 말했다.
비록 현실 세계 였지만 말이다.
그러나 어떤 밤 들엔 달이 겨우 구름 사이로 보일락 말락 했지...그녀는 말했다.
그 음악은 결코 울려 오지 않았지.. 아주 낙담하는 밤이 었지
그런데 그 다음 날 밤이 여전히 시작될 것이고, 때론 모든 것이 잘 될 거야.
나는 할 말이 없다고 생각할 수도 있었다.
이 이야기는 그것을 써서 표현하기에는. 너무나 요점이 없는 것이기에
사실은 무아 지경 같은 쉼표 들로 모든 무대에서 중간 중간 끊겼다.
막간이 길어졌고. 그래서 이때 쯤 밤이 시작됐다.
묘한 통찰력을 그토록 부지런히 제공해 주던
아, 비어 있는 밤, 그 밤.
전등이 어느 손에서 다른 손으로 이어져 건네 지는 것처럼
나는 어떤 중요한 비밀이 내게 막 맡겨 졌다고 느꼈다.
내가 참으로 사과하는 건 ... 그녀가 말했다.
내가 너를 내 친구들 중에 하나로 착각한 거야.
그녀는 우리가 앉아 있는 사이에 있는 조각상 쪽을 가리켰다.
영웅적인 남자들 품 속에 화강암 아이들을 안고 있는... 자기 희생 적인 성스러운 여자들,
바뀔 수 없는 것들이지 인간처럼 .. .그녀는 말했다.
나는 인간들을 포기했어.... 그녀는 말했다.
하지만 나는 저 순한 여행에 대한 나의 취향을 잃지 않았다.
내가 잘못 됐으면 바로 잡아 달라
우리 머리 위 벚꽃 들이 밤하늘 속에서 팔랑 거리기 시작했다.
마치 별들이 뚝뚝 떨어져 흩어 지며 그것들이 닿는 곳에 새로운 세계들이  만들어 질 것 같았다.
이윽고 조금 뒤에 나는 나의 고향으로 돌아왔고, 헤어진 연인과 재 결합을 했다.
하지만 자꾸 내 마음은 이 사건으로 되돌아갔다.
모든 관점에서 그것을 살펴 보며 매년 점점 더욱 깊이 믿음을 지니게 됐다.
비록 증거는 없지만 그것은 어떤 비밀을 지니고 있다고
거기에 있었던 것이 어떤 메세지 이든 간에 나의 엄마가 말하곤 했던
그래, 난 알고 있어...라는 그 말 속에는 포함되지 않았다고 나는 결국 결론을 내렸다.
내게 주의를 주고 나를  꾸짖던 그녀의 날카롭게 표현된 말 줄임 표에는.. 그래서 내게는 이렇게 느껴졌다.
내가 내 애인에게 돌아갔을 뿐 아니라 콘테사 정원에 지금 돌아가고 있는 것으로 말이다.
정원에는 여전히 속죄와 용서를 구하는 순례자처럼 체리 나무가 여전히 꽃피고 있다고
어떤 때에는 반짝이는  손잡이가 달린 문이 거기에 있을 거라고 생각했다.
그러나 이 일이 언제 일어날 것인지 내가 어디서 모든 생각을 잊어 버렸는지.

 

A Sharply Worded silence

 

 Louise Gluck

 Let me tell you something,  said the old woman.
 We were sitting, facing each other,
 In the park at (____),a city famous for its wooden toys.
 at the time, I had run away from a sad love affair.
 and as a kind of penance or self punishment, I was working at a factory,
 carving by hand  the tiny hands and feet.
 The park was my consolation, particularly in the quiet hours
 after sunset, when it was often abandoned,
 But on this evening, when I entered what was called the Contessa's Garden,
 I saw that someone had preceded me. 
 It strikes me no I could have gone ahead, but I had been
 set on this destination, 
 all day I had been thinking of the cherry trees
 with which the glade was planted, whose time of  blossoming had nearly ended.
 we sat in silence. Dusk was falling.
 and with it came a feeling of enclosure  as in a train cabin by the Bical Lake
 When I was young...she said,
 I liked walking the garden path at twilight
 and  if the path was long enough I would see the moon  rise.
 That was for me the great pleasure; 
 not food, not worldly amusement.
 I preferred the moon's rising ,
 and sometimes I would hear, at the same moment,

the sublime notes of the final ensemble of The Marriage of Figaro.
Where did the music come from? I never know.
 Because it is the nature of garden paths to be circular,
 each night, after my wanderings, I would find myself at my front door, 
 staring at it, barely able to make out, in darkness, the glittering knob.
 It was, she said, a great discovery, 
 albeit my real life.
 But certain nights, she said, the moon was  barely visible through the clouds 
 and the music never started. A night of pure discouragement .
 And still the next night I would begin again, and often all would be well.
 I could think of nothing to say. 
 This story, so pointless as I write it out,
 was in fact interrupted at every stage with trance-like pauses 
 and prolonged intermissions, 
 so that by this time  night had started.
Ah the capacious night, the night
 so eager to accommodate strange perceptions..
 I felt that some important secret was about to be entrusted to me,
 as a torch is passed from one hand to another in a relay.
 My sincere apologies, she said
 I had mistaken you for one of my friends.

 And she gestured toward the statues we sat among,

heroic men, self-sacrificing saintly women holding granite babies to their breasts.
 Not changeable, she said, like human beings.
 I gave up on them, she said.
 But I never lost my taste for circular voyagers.
 Correct me if I'm wrong.
 Above our heads, the cherry blossoms had begun to loosen in the night sky, 
 or maybe the stars were drifting drifting and falling apart, and where they landed new worlds would form.
 Soon afterward I returned to my native city and was reunited with my former lover.
 and yet increasingly my mind returned to this incident,
 studying it from all perspectives, each year more intensely convinced,
 despite the absence of evidence, that it contained some secret.
 I concluded finally that whatever message there might have been was not contained in speech-
so, I realized, my mother used to speak to me, 
 her sharply worded silences cautioning me and  chastising me- 
 and it seemed to me I had not only returned to my lover but was now returning to the Contessa's Garden
 in which the cherry trees were still blooming like a pilgrim seeking expiation and forgiveness,
 Sometimes I thought there would be a door there with a shiny handle.

So I assumed there would be, at some point, a door with a glittering knob,
 But when this would happen and where I had no idea.

 

 

 

2024년 11월 8일 금요일